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Setember
My imagination was fired last night by a phrase in
one of Oswald Chamber's meditations. He talked about his readers
feeling 'at home' and comfortable in God's presence. 'At home' is
not a phrase I've come across in that context before, but I rather
like the picture that it paints.
I've been married now for some 27 years and I think it's safe to
say that my wife and I feel comfortable in each others presence.
By that I mean that if we're together in the evening or even out
walking then there's no such thing as that awkward silence that
you get in a meeting or party when the conversation dries up. Instead,
there's a comfort and fellowship enjoyed by just being in each other's
company.
The other thing that happens, of course is that as a relationship
develops the quality and depth of our conversations change. Yes,
there's still discussions about the trivial things of life, and
there's nothing wrong with that, but we also feel free to discuss
more intimate and spiritual matters.
I don't think it's something that happens instantly, but rather
as part of a continuing process of development . It happens to a
lesser degree in the office or workplace, that as we get to know
people better then our conversation changes, and again we cease
to feel awkward if there is a minute or two of silence.
I'm not entirely sure if that's what Oswald Chambers had in mind
when he wrote that short piece, but I find it helpful.
When I've been alone with my thoughts I have at times found that
I'm physically willing myself to talk to God, almost out of a sense
of duty. It's probably a guilt thing, feeling that I don't spend
as much time at prayer as I should and therefore any spare moments
ought to be filled with dialogue. But of course that's not being
'At home' or comfortable in his presence. It's back to that party
and being introduced to a stranger, feeling that I must say something
just for the sake of conversation, and in the final analysis saying
and hearing almost nothing.
What I need to be able to do is enjoy those moments of quietness
in the same way that I do with my wife and family, be comfortable
in the presence of God, be open to hear and open to speak but not
feel compelled to do either. God does not impose himself on us,
that's why we have free will.
It's all part of the continual development of my relationship with
God, a process that has been ongoing for around thirty five years
and no doubt will last a lifetime. Occasionally I get it right,
drop my defences in his presence and forget my awkwardness. Then
any silence is filled, not with embarrassment, but with the joy
of basking in the warmth of his fellowship and knowing his love
and grace.
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